Couples 911 - LaShelle's Top 3 Tips

I have followed CNVC Trainer LaShelle Lowe-Charde for years now and feel so grateful for learning how I typically 'react' in my long term relationships and how I can break any habitual pattern.  Her main focus is supporting couples and watch the clip below to hear her top 3 tips:

1.  Spend a designated time each day focused on each other.

2.  Share even small appreciations as often as possible.

3. Develop a language of feeling and needs to communicate what's in our heart (what we want) not what's wrong. 

She also shares her relationship saving request and why once we 'get' the floor, we tend to go on and on...

Visit http://www.wiseheartpdx.org to receive weekly email gems from LaShelle or find out more about her books, articles and trainings.   See more NVC videos at http://www.nvcprinciples.com. 

How I raised my 'Happiness Set Point'

In my recent interview with CNVC Trainer Jim Manske, I was inspired by Jim's idea that our life is a canvas and we have choice about what we do with what comes our way.  I also learned that humans seem to have a 'Happiness Set Point.' 

Personally, I felt adrift and powerless over life's challenges until I found and began practicing NVC Communication Consciousness and tools.  

Wanting to share the 'good stuff,' hear Jim speak about The Science of Happiness, a mixture of neuroscience and how we can cultivate the common themes which supports happiness;  know your 'Happiness Set Point,' shift habit energy and remap your life to find a meaningful and purposeful life.  

To connect with Jim and find out more about his tele-courses, trainings and daily Scoop message: http://radicalcompassion.squarespace.com/happiness/

How Compassionate Leadership works & the 5 elements!

How Compassionate Leadership works and the 5 elements!

Did you know we are each compassionate leaders, leading in our own lives?  It is not a position but a way of living or thriving. We each need to step up and take our place in the world, even children are leading their education. 

Do your daily actions support your overall vision for yourself or humanity as a whole?  Hear more in my latest interview with CNVC Certified Trainer, Jori Manske to hear the 5 elements. 

Click here is you have trouble viewing video. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uCogqxBNf4Q&feature=relmfu

Watch more interviews with CNVC Trainers on www.nvcprinciples.com and join our email list to receive the latest videos in your in box!

Do you have a peace plan at the office or home?

Living in Texas, we have tornado safety plans so when the storm comes, we know what to do and we have practiced how to be as safe as possible.  I was thinking why don't we have a 'peace' plans before conflicts happen?  I see most countries create a peace plan after a war.

I have to confess, I don't have a peace plan at home or at the office.  I want to experiment with the idea of having a peace plan for the office or my home to know what to do to create peace and to practice it.

In our culture we have a tendency to shy away form conflict or ignore it, sweep it under the carpet, etc.  Does that sound familiar?  Maybe even reading about conflict now brings up nervous feelings?

I happened to be a trained Nonviolent Communication mediator so I think I rely on my skills were ever I go.  Yet I want my co-workers and family to have the same empowering skills.  I have the ability and tools to try to co-create peace in any conflict or situation with humans that is...  I want a plan when I have a crisis of imagination and to be supported by others in the moment.  

My inspiration is, "Where on the “peace continuum” is the optimal location for living life together bearing the fruit of hope (future is secure), joy (purpose is fulfilled) and love (free to create)."

http://p2-planningforpeace.com

I think if my colleagues and family members had a clear plan, a 'refuge,' we created in peaceful times before any raised blood pressure, etc, when a situation arises,  one of us feels angry or upset or there are loud voices, we would have a map or plan to instantly refer to instead of needing to think or create one in that moment.  Maybe something to keep us calm and in the water...

I don't have the answer, just the intention to create one at this point. 

What does this idea brings up in you for your life?  Do you want an agreed 'peacemaking process' or 'peacemaking place' for your work or family?

If you have any ideas how to create one, please let me know...

Parents - Do you put your oxygen mask on first in life?

Watch my interview with the author of Respectful Parents, Respectful Kids, Victoria Kindle Hodson, who shares why it so important for parents to take care of their needs first, like an oxygen mask on an airplane, to support more fun, connection and ease for families. The long term benefits of this parenting style creates co-operation vs conflict is further explored in the book Respectful Parents, Respectful Kids. 

How to be Respectful Parents, Respectful Kids?

Improving all my relationships is a personal goal and I sought help from the authors of Respectful Parents, Respectful Kids Sura Hart and Victoria Kindle Hodson.

They have identified 7 keys in their book to stop the struggle and learn to:

Express yourself so you're heard and respected.
Successfully handle disagreements or problem behaviors.
Motivate your kids to willingly contribute.
Set clear limits without using demand or coercion.
Empower your kids to open up, co-operate, and realize their full potential.
And create outstanding, lifelong relationship with your kids!

Hear what Sura shared on How to be Respectful Parents, Respectful Kids...

Do you have quality personal relationships on your bucket list?

For those who have not seen the 2007 movie called The Bucket List, Jack Nicholson befriends Morgan Freeman in a cancer ward and the two, terminally ill go on a road tip to tick off adventures on a 'to do' list before they die.   In the end, their friendship was the most meaningful to Nicholson's wealthy character not the adventures.   

From my experience and what I've heard, speaking about relationships is death bed conversation.  I have already been sky diving, scuba diving and around the world.  So I now have quality connections in my personal relationships on top of my bucket list.  No point waiting until my last days and I am guessing I am 40+ years away from my death bed if I am lucky.  

Having related for several decades now, very much a roller coaster ride, I don't know how to evaluate quality relationship or when I could tick quality personal relationships off my bucket list?  

The Social Readjustment Rating Scale study at the University of Washington ranks the top main stresses in our lives: #1 financial problems, #2 workplace problems and #3 personal relationship .  So would maintaining low blood pressure count?  I already have low BP despite my roller coaster relationship history. 

For me, being a parent is the most important, most rewarding and most demanding activities human beings ever undertake.   My most recent quote is 'Parenting, some days harder than others!"  I said this on a day where I was getting my bottom kicked by life more than ever before!   

Then there is the flip side being the child.  I had so much more respect for my parents of course, once I had the job!  I can cross off anything about being a quality child now I am over 18.  So again, when I can cross off quality parenting, probably my most personal relationship right?

I am now beginning to see why sky diving, scuba diving, etc are on a bucket list, one can have a sense of accomplishment and say, 'Done' with much more certainty.  

I still value and want quality connections in my personal relationships to be a lifelong priority.  I have studied a body of work called Nonviolent Communication for the last decade and am in the process of being certified as a trainer.  I like the idea of having this aspiration and wonder if any of you have any ideas about how/when I cross it off my bucket?  Or do I replace it with glacier watching in Antarctica? 

Check out my trainings/journey to have quality connections at Taylor Duvall

Do you enjoy 'gottacha' moments or a more compassionate citizenry?

If you haven't heard, there is a new book reporting that President Obama's Press Secretary Robert Gibbs reportedly had an explosive communication with another White employee, Jarrett, cursing and using the “F” word to unleash his frustrations. I am not sure Mrs Obama’s part in it but I suggest she not take it personally.

At this point, I only know this.  For me, when anyone communicates anything, it is about what is going on inside them, not about me.  

Now I understand someone communicated some comment or information to Robert Gibbs which stimulated him to speak back.    

I am guessing Mr. Gibbs was wanting ‘something’ in that moment for himself and from his perspective; he was not getting it or perhaps getting something he did not want.  

That day, maybe he wanted acknowledgement for the work he was doing, what he was contributing.  He could have valued his time and was feeling frustrated that he was investing his time and energy on something his heart was not it. Maybe he, another human being like all of us who read this, was frustrated about something else that happened earlier that day.

At times, I too have had all these sentiments and thoughts - haven't you?  

I would like to propose that we start treating each other as the human being we are ‘works in progress.’ That we listen more closely for what people say knowing it is a reflection of what is going on for them and what is important to them.

In my own life, I see I do not communicate clearly enough to be understood by more people, most of the time.  This has become my passion for the last decade.   Up until then, I was taking what others said personally when they were really just letting me know what was going on inside their world - i.e. the world of Robert Gibbs, that day and at that time.     

I don't know what was going to for Robert Gibbs in that moment and I still want a more compassionate citizenry.  Would you be willing to tell me what you think...